Meisha: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Meisha Rouser Show. I am Meisha. Thank you so much for listening. This show is all about leadership and professional development, everything you need to know to be more confident and competent in your career. Here’s a couple logistics for us today and before I jump in, and since I’m tongue tied, I want to swing over to Benny. Benny, how are you?
Benny: I’m doing well. It was a great holiday weekend and we’re back at it again.
Today, what are we going to be talking about building trust or rebuilding our trust or credibility within the workplace.
Before we get into that, let me get into my logistics, remember that all of these shows are recorded and so you can access those either via my website or through iTunes or some of those other channels like Stitchers and so forth.
Please keep in mind that if you do enjoy listening to the podcasts, if you could please considering rating the podcast, leaving a one or two sentence review on iTunes or Stitchers or wherever you are downloading it from, that would be great. Because as you know this will help tremendously in bringing the podcast to the attention of others. I will also really appreciate it as well so thank you for doing that. You can always go to my website and download the podcast. You can also go to my website and/or to the KKNW website. I think it’s 1150KKNW?
Benny: That is correct.
Meisha: Yeah and that will also allow you to click to stream this live. So if you are not in the Seattle area to listen to it, you can stream it live anytime, from anywhere.
The other thing to keep in mind is that shows are transcribed, you can also get the transcript on my website. Also, if there’s any visuals or tools and so forth that accompany the show you can also find those on my website. And my website is meisharouser.com.
My topic today is about rebuilding trust and credibility. I actually had somebody send in a question a little while ago, I’m just now finally getting to this on the air. But they had asked, especially because we had talked about in a show earlier about being able to speak your truth within an organization. One of the things that we brought out in that show was that to be able to speak your truth within an organization, it really helps to have some credibility or to be trusted within that group.
When you have that then that helps you to be able to say those things that need to be said. Somebody had asked, what happens if your trust or credibility had been dampened? Sometimes that happens, sometimes something happens and we do, we lose a little bit of trust or credibility. That’s what I want to talk about today. What do you do when that happens? Or what do you do when you’re new or newer in a position and are building your trust and credibility up, which takes time?
I’m sure a lot of you already know this, but again, sometimes it helps and that’s what I’m hoping these podcasts are for – is to help you to remind yourself, “Oh yeah, that’s right, am I doing that? I forgot. I’m really not paying attention to that.”
One of those is our trust and credibility. Its like a bank account with others. When we do something that earns us some trust and credibility, we made a deposit into that account. This is a slow process.
Unfortunately, as many of you know, when something negative happens it usually takes a huge debit out of that trust and credibility account. Which, then takes more time to regain and slowly build back up again.
What are some things that we could be doing then when we need to build up that trust and credibility? A couple of resources, I’m going to be referencing is from Stephen Covey. Not The Stephen Covey but his son Stephen Covey who wrote a book called the Speed of Trust. Wonderful, wonderful book. I’m going to talk about some of the things that he mentions in that book. Then I’m going to bring in some other aspects to think about when we’re building trust and credibility.
In Stephen Covey’s The Speed of Trust, he talks about building character and competence because remember that when we are very clear on our character, who we are and what we stand for, we are able to more quickly build our our trust with others and perceived competence. We are going to be seen as better leaders in the eyes of others as well. Why? Because we will be more consistent in our actions. We really want to be paying attention to these aspects every day, in every moment.
Building character: When we think about what we need to do to build our character is:
1) Talk straight. Say what you mean to say and say it nicely. It’s a walking the talk type of thing. We want to be talking our truth. We want to be saying what is on our mind and be truthful about it, in a respectful way.
2) Demonstrate respect. This one gets lost sometimes. We get so busy in the workplace that we tend to not hold the respect for one another in the way that we really should. Remember, it’s not just that old attitude of treat people how you would like to be treated. It’s more of treat people how they want to be treated. Everybody is different, everybody wants to be treated differently, communicated with differently, they want to be listened to differently. Really take the time to respect each individual and get to know them and who they are and to understand how they like to be treated.
3) Creating Transparency: The other thing for building character is creating transparency. This is one where people when they feel like you’re holding information from you then it hurts your credibility. It hurts their ability to trust in you. Now, obviously, there are times when we can’t share certain information, for whatever reason, maybe the role we’re in or for confidentiality purposes and so forth. But there’s always ways to at least acknowledge that and say, “You know, I’m really sorry I can’t share that information. It is confidential. But here’s what I can share with you.” Or, ask “Why do you think this is important or what aspect of this is important to you?” and then address their concern. Really try to always be as transparent as possible.
4) Righting wrongs. This one I’m thinking about not just when your wrong. For example, it can be as simple as if you realize you might have stepped on somebody’s toes or talked over another person, but it’s also correcting wrongs of maybe you see from others, of acknowledging that’s not the way we’re going to work together. That’s not what we do. We want to be respectful to one another and not interrupt them when we’re in meetings. Maybe helping others in a diplomatic and politically correct way to help them to understand, “Hey, you know, let’s give room for other people to speak up,” for example.
5) Show loyalty. So for building character showing loyalty is especially important for leaders. Even if, as a manager, you don’t quite agree with leadership, it’s important to still show loyalty. We really want to pay attention to that because if we can’t show loyalty to others then it’s hard when we want people to show loyalty to us. We really got to watch this kind of modeling our own actions.
Before I jump into the next part of how do we build our competence in the eyes of others, we’re going to take a really quick break here and we will be right back. Again, you are listening to the Meisha Rouser Show on KKNW 1150 Seattle and we will be right back after this break.
BREAK
Meisha: Welcome back to the Meisha Rouser Show. We are talking about trust and credibility today. We have been talking up to this point about how to help build your character and build trust. Let’s go into competence. Again, these tips are coming from Stephen Covey, The Speed of Trust.
Building Competence:
- Be Competent: If you want to build trust and credibility with others, being competent is key. What are some ways to do that? Obviously, deliver results and with that too, if you made a commitment then follow up with it.
- Follow Through on Commitments: That’s one of my biggest pet peeves is not following up with the commitment that you made and deliver result. If you can’t do it for some reason, that’s fine. But then communicate that. “I’m sorry. I thought I was going to be able to get this done, but I’m not going to be able to get it done by this time. I’m going to need two more weeks,” or, “This is not going to be able to happen and here is why.” It’s basically just good communication with other people.
- Get Better: If you model the way, if you are listening to these podcasts and listening to other podcasts on ways to help grow and learn how to become a better leader yourself, if you’re taking training, if you’re making the effort, you’re modelling the way. People will respect you and honor and admire that you are constantly trying to improve. And two, you’re also leading the way that this is what you’re expecting from your group and your team.
- Confront Reality: In other words, take on tough issues head on. Sometimes we tend to avoid those things that make us uncomfortable, maybe confrontations, or saying things that need to be said. I’m rolling my eyes right now because that’s me. Sometimes, I’m one of those. I do not like taking on confrontation and sometimes I just tend to avoid it, hoping it can work itself out and I don’t have to get involved. No, that’s not reality. If there’s something going on I have to step up to the plate and I need to have those conversations. Confront reality and what is going on and address what needs to be addressed. Where do you need to show up more and where are you being realistic? Where are you maybe not being realistic?
- Clarify Expectations: Many times we think everyone knows what we are expecting, when they don’t. All of us assume and think we’re being really clear on what our expectations, when in reality they don’t understand exactly what it is expected of them. This kills your credibility.
You think you’ve set good, clear expectations. But don’t make this assumption. Make sure you’re having conversations of what you’re expecting from the individuals around you and that they understand that and you’re seeing that eye to eye. Don’t assume people know what you’re expecting. Ask open ended questions to gain clarity on how they are thinking or seeing the situation.
- Practice Accountability: This goes back to my pet peeve of if you committed to something then follow up on it. This also means holding others accountable. If there’s somebody on your team that is accountable for something and they are not stepping up to the plate then sometimes you need to step in and continue holding that accountability for them until they can get caught up or back up to speed. You’re holding the accountability for your team as well.
Building character and building competence are two different things to think about when building or re-building your trust and credibility.
Below are some things the things that I have seen over time that we really need to pay attention to every day, every moment to build our trust and credibility.
This is my top 10 list on how to build trust:
- Give Trust to Others: The number one thing I think that we need to be doing is when we want to build our trust with others, is to ask ourselves are we giving trust to others? Do we show trust to others? Again, this one I see a lot. Those managers who are saying, “Oh, nobody else can do it. I’m going to do it all by myself. I can’t trust them.” And then in the meantime, in almost the same breath, they’re turning around saying, “It just seems like nobody trusts me.”
How are people going to trust you if you don’t trust them? If that’s one of the issues that you’re struggling with, think about that. If you’re feeling like you’re not being trusted, stop and think about if you trust that person, or that group or that team or that organization? I see this all the time. You probably heard me talk about it before.
2) Communicate clearly. Again, say what you mean. Mean what you say. Set expectations. Don’t do the passive aggressive thing. Don’t do the, “I’m hoping you’re going to get it. I hope you’re seeing that I’m not happy and you will ask me about it. I’m just assuming you’re going to guess what I want.” Nobody’s a mind reader, be very clear about your own communication, and ensure are you’re making sense, and are you connecting with that other person.
- Honor Your Word and Only Speak Your Truth. Watch those little white lies. In other words, some of you might be really good about honoring your word, but I would challenge you to say the truth when its not easy. For example, let’s say there is a person in the office who just irritates you and keeps asking you to join them for lunch. When you try to put them off you say, “I’m sorry, I’m really busy today.” But, you have no intention of ever having lunch with them. That’s not speaking your truth. Those little things are big things. Watch what you’re telling others. You don’t have to be mean or hurtful. Instead, say something like, “John, I don’t think lunch would work, but thank you for asking.” Not speaking your truth is another one of my pet-peeves.
- Take Blame and Give Credit. Again, it’s your team, you’re the one there for them. If the team is not performing, really it’s up to you to make sure they do. You got to take the blame for that and also give credit when they are doing fabulously or when they’re making strides. When they are working hard, acknowledge that and give them credit.
- Follow Through. I think I’ve talked a lot about that. Again, hold your commitment.
- Don’t Bad Mouth. We talked about that really briefly in the beginning when we were talking about building your character and showing loyalty. You’re no longer gossiping, complaining or judging so that means no bad mouthing.
- Walk the Talk. Model the way, people are watching you. They want to see that your actions are congruent with your words. Are you saying what you’re doing, is that congruent? Watch yourself.
Walk the talk also means if you’re asking others to do something, are you willing to do that as well? That’s one thing I love about coaching. When I get off a coaching call one of the first things I will always ask myself, “Okay, am I doing what I am asking of my coaching clients to do?” For example, right now I am reminding everyone to no longer gossip, complain or judge. As I go through my day, I do my best to adhere to this mantra. It reminds me of Gandhi, who puts it this way: be the change you want to see. Again, walk the talk. Don’t ask others to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.
- Listen More and Talk Less. I’m going to do a show coming up here on listening. I know a lot of us are trying and recognize that listening is a skill that we have to work on every day. It’s a muscle. As you continue working on it you to get better at it.
So, stop talking so much. This is a great way to build credibility. You build trust when you really listen to the other person. We’re not listening to just hear what they say or listening just to listen, but we really want to understand what they are saying. What are they saying in between what they’re saying, what’s the emotion behind it, what’s going on with them, really be there for them.
- Admitting When You’re Wrong. I’m guessing most of you are pretty good at this. When you’re leaders, managers, supervisors, as a parent, any of that, it’s hard sometimes to admit when we’re wrong. That just make me think about our spouses. Sometimes the person you spend the most time with is usually the person that you butt heads with the most. Even with them, are you admitting when you’re wrong? Thinking about it. Are you really admitting when you’re wrong and are you comfortable with doing that?
- Detractors. In other words, don’t get caught up with the people who might not be giving you the authority or respect you want. We tend to get really wrapped up with them. Don’t worry about those people. They’re going to come around or eventually go away.
In other words, just do what you know you need to be doing. Be who you are, know who you are, know your principals or who you are as a person, know your values, know your strengths and step into those. For whatever reason they may never come around, they may, but if they don’t that’s okay. Don’t let that bother you, keep moving forward.
I really wanted that to be said. Sometimes we spend so much with the energy zappers that it takes away from our performance. It takes away from our confidence. Don’t let them do that. Just be very clear on who you are, what your principles are and keep moving forward.
I’m going to sum up the top three things for you to be thinking about then if you have lost credibility or lost trust. Top three things you want to be thinking about and I found these to be very true, this is also stated by Stephen Covey and is stated by a lot of other experts in the field, is number one, start to listen more. Number two, keep your commitments. And, number three, extend trust. Again, if you want others to trust you, you got to trust them.
Alright, that an overview on how to build your credibility and trust.
Thank you so much for listening. You have been listening to the Meisha Rouser Show here on KKNW, 1150 in Seattle. Thanks again for listening. This is Meisha, coaching you towards success. Have a great day.