I recently returned from a workshop where one of the participants was asking how they can stick to their commitment to write every day. While the instructor was working with the participant, the person next to me, leaned over and whispered, “You just do it!” I nodded back in total agreement. When stopping an old habit, creating a new one, or making a commitment of any type, you either do it or you don’t.
Yoda in Star Wars told young Luke Skywalker, “Don’t try. Do.” You know this. You have heard it before. You can’t “try” to pick up a pencil. You either did or you didn’t pick up the pencil.
Jack Canfield says it beautifully. When making a commitment, make it a 100% commitment. Not 75%, 80% or a 90% commitment. If it is not a 100% commitment then it is not a commitment, it is a suggestion or a “try”. If you find you are not able or willing to make it a 100% commitment, then you are not ready to commit. That is when you need to look at what is holding you back. Usually, if it is something you have tried more than once with little to no success, then you need to probe quite a bit deeper as to what is the limiting belief that is sabotaging your efforts.
Many times, what keeps someone from achieving what they know is good for them is an underlying fear that they may not even see. One way to ferret out what is subconsciously holding you back is to ask yourself, “If I knew, no matter what, I would succeed at accomplishing this new habit, what might the consequences be of this accomplishment?” I know this sounds a bit contradictory. But, lets explore an example so that maybe you can see the benefit of this kind of exploration.
Lets say that you want to loose 10 pounds and have been trying for years with no lasting success. You ask yourself the question, “What might the consequences be of loosing 10 pounds?” Then brainstorm at least 5 thoughts, no matter how preposterous. 1) I will need to buy new cloths and may not have the finances for that. 2) I may loose it in my face and get that “old” “boney” look, which is what happened to my Mom. 3) I always loved snuggling with my Mom as kid. What if I become less “snugglable” to my kids because there is no cushion? 4) I may loose it in the “wrong” areas and I loose my shape. 5) Will I be able to eat what I like to eat and not gain it all back? If I make this commitment, I am afraid I will have to eat in a way I don’t want to…for the rest of my life!!!
This exploration, can help you uncover what the real issue is and why you keep sabotaging your efforts. Spend some time reflecting what you came up with. You may need to continue to ask even more probing questions to dig even deeper to find the root of the cause. Lets say that making the commitment to change your eating habits for the rest of your life was the one that really got you. Dig deeper there. What is it about changing your eating habits are you so reluctant about? You may want to ask the same question, “What might the consequences be if I changed my eating habits?” 1) It could be more expensive. 2) I will have to give up foods I really like. 3) I don’t want to feel like I am always hungry. 4) It just seems like so much work and I really don’t know if I want to take that on right now. 5) I am not even sure where to start to learn about “healthy” eating.
Continue this process until you get to the root of what might be holding you back. Then from there, sometimes it is just a matter of figuring out the one step forward you can take that will address the root level issue. Then from there make the 100% commitment to make that one small step. Once you feel comfortable with that one step and have it down, what is the next small step you can take? Eventually, you will find that the bigger issue, in this case loosing 10 pounds, will just naturally happen when you start with the root level issue. In our example above, maybe the one step you start with is to sign up to take a cooking class to learn how to eat healthy and take the mystery out of it. In some cases, once you get to the real root of the problem you will realize that it was built on an old belief that no longer serves you. Like your kids won’t want to snuggle with you if you loose 10 pounds. When exploring that issue you may realize all the benefits to your kids by loosing 10 pounds (everyone enjoying a healthier diet, being more energetic and willing to do more physical things with your kids) that these benefits outweigh the one that was holding you back. With this new belief, you may now be ready to make that 100% commitment.
This is just one way of looking at the root cause that keeps you from making a 100% commitment to creating or stopping a habitual pattern. Until you are ready to make that 100% commitment, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to achieve your desired result. So, stop beating your head against the wall. If you are not willing to make the 100% commitment, what one small part ARE you willing to commit to 100%. Starting from there is a perfect place to start from.